Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A Fast Birth

A momentary glace at each other showed me everything; they were nervous.

I had to know, "Whats wrong?" I breathed.

"Nothing, nothing..." They both chimed back in unison. Something was definitely wrong. I could see it in their concentration. The happy lines on their faces had hardened. These ladies had seen the greatest and worst moments that life has to offer and right now they were preparing themselves for what lay ahead. I felt it.

I looked next to me at my worried husband. His worry was different, it was a natural concern as he looked on his wife and his future. Unlike my two ladies, his eyes spoke to me. They were deep and full of love and yearning; bloodshot and welling up with tears.

"Why are they lying to me? Whats wrong?" I asked him directly with a hiss in my voice. He looked confused. I knew he didn't know.

"Sophie. We have to get this baby out right now. I need you to give me the biggest push you have. She has to come now" I was told by my midwife. Usually so happy and chirpy now she was laying down the law.

This was the time to listen and do but I was confused; half an hour earlier she had told me when we got to this moment I would need to pause and stop; I would need to hold my baby in, breathe, relax and fight the temptation to push. The baby would need time to rotate her body so that she could be birthed. All of a sudden there was no time for that essential part of the process? I was confused.

I dug deep inside myself as the contractions took over my being. They controlled me now. They had won. This baby was coming.

I pushed. I pushed. I pushed.

"Sophie, this baby needs to come now. I need a really big push!"

"THESE ARE BIG PUSHES JANINE!" I yelled, staring straight into her eyes. Who was she to tell me that I wasn't pushing hard enough? I had my foot on her shoulder and I pushed off her, straight into the wall behind me. I realised I could go much much harder and I gave it everything. In those moments who knows what I could have achieved if I was not limited to my own bedroom. With that adrenaline I could have ran up Everest, lifted the Titanic from its depths, stopped an earthquake it its tracks (or created one). Instead I was doing the greatest thing I have ever done.

I gave birth to my little girl in one quick second. She wasn't there and then all of a sudden she was. Bright pink and sticky white. She was scooped up and placed on my bare chest. She let out a little newborn cry and I couldn't believe my life. This. Perfection. Love. Life. It was all too much.

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I was later informed that the midwives thought Camilla's head was actually her umbilical chord. They couldn't find a heart beat so I had to change positions to be bum down (the hardest position to birth in). A heart rate still could not be found so I needed to get her out. Now. No dawdling around.

Following the birth it was apparent that Camilla just had a particularly squishy head and for whatever reason her pulse just wasn't to be found. She was perfectly happy and healthy. However my fast birth caused ripping which later was not stitched correctly. I was left with a large amount of skin that hangs and connects to nothing.

While medically I am in a fit and healthy order it still doesn't make me feel particularly good on the inside and over time is slowly getting worse. This Friday I am going into hospital to have it cut off.

A part of me feels like this is some dirty secret that I am revealing. I suppose it is a bit (a lot) personal but it certainly isn't dirty. These are the results of a fairly normal and natural birth and like stretch marks and wobbly bellies that you can't fix, this can be fixed, so I am having it done.

I've never been in hospital (if you don't count this little incident) and I am thoroughly nervous.

I don't regret the birth I had or my midwives instructions. She was protecting me and our baby and looking out for our best interests, at the time we did what seemed right. I am also thankful to every medical professional I have spoken to about this. I was worried that no one would take me seriously and tell me its not a big deal "Just one of the results of childbirth. What? Did you think it would be a walk in the park?"(No, they never said that but it was always the reaction I expected), thankfully all have been very encouraging to have it righted and made the process very easy.

Wish me luck :)

5 comments:

  1. Good luck, I'm sure it'll be fine though.

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  2. Oh man - that is tough - I'm sure it will be far less weird than expected! xx

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  3. yeah heaps of my friends have had to have things "fixed" down there. I had to go once and get my uterus put back into place...THAT was weird.
    All the best though!

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  4. Awh :( I didn't know that. Let me know if you want support fri night or anytime! And interesting to know these details, the way you were thinking, I couldn't tell half of that happening that night. Although I do remember the yelling at Janine lol. It was awesome. I truly believe you could have done anything in that moment. You were so strong and giving it everything you had and more. So proud of you Soph. A real insirational mother.
    xx

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  5. What they dont tell you about having a baby aye!!!

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