Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Human

Enjoying the sludge

These last two days I have been living radically, without a to-do list. Its insane, I know.

The sun has been shining, I have stayed in my PJs until lunch time, my brain has been winding down, feeling as if it should be doing something but with nothing pressing to do.

Lately its all been a bit of a mess, my brain and my skin (totally related). I've been having showers where I have been buzzing, going over and over what I needed to do when I finished rinsing my hair so I wouldn't forget anything, working late into the night only to go to bed with a disappointed husband because we haven't spent any time together. That "Goodnight!" with a disappointed "Oh..." in reply.

I get ideas, I can't help it, they just come at the most random of times, and I'll suddenly think "YES! Thats what needs to happen". Most of the time my ideas aren't for me, they are for someone elses adventure, I'll quickly email them telling them what they need to do. Probably, these emails could be quite offensive. I'm not sure. I have the best intentions behind them, trying to enlighten them to an idea they might not have had before.

Lately I have, unusually, been having a lot of ideas for myself. Most unusual. I set about to do them all with pages and pages of to-do lists. Lists for our home, receipes, The Sisterhood, blog business, craft, advertising, cleaning, church happenings.

I'll be honest, in a month of panic and stress I achieved most of the things on my lists until I realised that I didn't actually need to do them all.

Just because I have an idea doesn't make it a good one.

Just because I feel inspired doesn't mean it needs to be done then and there, it could be worked on, moulded, grown into something much greater.

Yesterday when I put the call out for a new Sisterhood LOVE BOMB I was excited. I felt like it was inspired, I had prayed and prayed about it, felt like it was the right thing to do (because we're doing it a little bit differently this time round).

Previously when I have put these opportunities out there I have been terrified that no one would respond and then I have instantly been surprised and blown away by the response.

Yesterday I went into this new Sisterhood opportunity with courage, I knew we were doing something amazing, knew God was with us, I had high expectations.

The response? A few blog comments and the birds chirping. Silence. Crap. What have I done??

Perhaps its because I put all of the information in the blog post? I gave out our address. Whereas in the past I said you had to email me for it. Maybe there was no need to respond...?

Why am I telling you this? 

You need to know I'm human. I jump into situations, sometimes they fail, sometimes my husband gets left to play the playstation all night, sometimes I doubt myself and everything I do.

I'm learning to say no to myself. I can say it to others but to myself is a different story. I'm learning to recognise when things are a good idea that will benefit me and my family. I'm learning to not abuse myself. To prioritise and be happy.

I am reminding myself that any response to The Sisterhood is a miracle in itself. We dont need thousands of responses, we just need one, and then its like Heaven came to Earth for a little while.

I am reaping the rewards of working hard and being organised so I can relax this week before my next two weeks are crazy busy (Sister visiting from London, bridesmaid, family birthdays etc) so I am enjoying each day without a to-do list, knowing I have already done the to-dos.

I am learning to push the stay-at-home-mummy-guilt aside and not over compensate with unrealistic goals just so I can be "busy" for "busy"s sake

Does any of this sound familiar for your own life? What have you been learning about yourself recently? Leave a comment below and let me know! I'd love to start this conversation!

READ MORE:
Our next LOVE BOMB
Like The Sisterhood on Facebook
Like Sophie Slim on Facebook

5 comments:

  1. I think we all go through this Sophie! I recently dropped a whole bunch of commitments that were pressing on me and stressing me out, only to pick up a new bunch a few days later. I have a mantra to remind myself, "don't overcommit, don't overcommit", but it's largely ineffective.

    I dream of slowing down and just going on adventures with the kiddos and gardening and reading stories, but the reality is, I'm not that person. I need some of that, but I also need to challenge myself creatively too. Unfortunately, I am forced to challenge myself in a business sense too, to help bring in more income for our wee family, and sometimes it can be overwhelming to keep all of that balanced, and everyone happy - but we all just do our best.

    You are doing great, and though I can relate to that feeling of deflation of getting hardly any (or no) response when you've put yourself out there for public viewing, I think we have to learn to have a thick skin about it. It's SO the nature of blogging, and even the big name bloggers, with thousands of followers experience the same thing sometimes. You're doing better than great, so just trust in that. And soon you will have more nominations than you know what to do with (I actually have a few people I would like to nominate, but I just need some more details about them first - and I'm hoping to send down some gifts too).

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for this beautiful comment, I think I am the same also, I need busyness, creatively and in a business sense. I just can't help myself! Trying to learn to prioritise and do it in a healthy manageable way.

      Think we'll continue with that struggle for the rest of our lives?

      Can't wait for your nominations! Thank you for all of the encouragement xxx

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  2. Mummy guilt is forever there - ;'( we either feel guilty that we are a stay at home Mum or guilty that we are a working from home Mum or guilty that we leave home to go to work - . . . I'm forever saying to my Mr B "all the kids will remember from me is 'wait one moment Mummy is busy' waaaaaaaa

    I've learnt to say NO - I haven't been out at night for an entire month now! (although do have plans squeeeeee for next week) I'm learning that exercise and crafting is what makes me a happy Mummy and a happy wife . . . after all a happy wife IS a happy life.

    Keep on keeping on xxxxxxxxxx

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  3. um yes - I have all these amazing ideas all.the.time but I hardly ever make them happen because by the time I find time I have thought of a new idea already!

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  4. Oh I missed this post, human-girl
    Love you loads, inspiring-one.
    I was just off to sign up my friend (sorry i neglected it before) and I will GET ONTO sending you some stuff for the packages xx

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